Whose reality is real? Definitely mine!

Some years ago, my daughter and I travelled to New Zealand for a work conference that I attended.  At the time, my daughter was a teenager.  Crazily, I decided to hire a campervan in New Zealand and travel for a week for mother-daughter bonding prior to the conference.  Parents are a sucker for fanciful family bonding time.

My decision was madness on a number of levels.  Firstly, I didn’t realise how much effort was required to manage a large campervan, so I was exhausted at the end of each day.  Being the sole driver, it meant that I was at the wheel the whole time.  Further manoeuvring such a big beast into parks in towns and camping grounds was physically and mentally exhausting. 

Secondly, I’m not sure if you have ever travelled and lived in a confined space with a teenager for any length of time.  If you haven’t, then my recommendation is don’t!

You would think I had taken my daughter to another planet.  She was angry because she was being separated from her friendswho were much more important in her life than me.  Then, there was the getting her out of bed to make the best of each day.  Oh! My goodness! What a drama!  Nearly every moment was taken up with an argument about something she didn’t like about what I had planned.  I’m sure not having a door to slam in the campervan didn’t help! 

At the end of this week, I was so glad to return the campervan and be pampered at the 5-star hotel where the conference was being held.  There was a teenage program provided for my daughter, so I was free of her for a few days.  Yeah!

A few years later at Toastmasters which we both attend; my daughter was asked as an impromptu speech if she preferred camping or 5-star luxury for her holiday choice.

She proceeded to tell our club that the New Zealand holiday, that I’m telling you about, was the best holiday experience she had ever had because it had included both camping and 5-star luxury in the one trip.  She said that she loved spending time with her mother and she had had some amazing travel experiences.

I couldn’t stop laughing.  For me, I would have to say this was one of the worse holiday experience I have ever had.  To this day, I’m surprised that we both survived!

My point of telling this story is that we are all unique so our perceptions about our reality are very individual.  Our expectations, past history, personality and emotional state are just a handful of the factors that colour our construction of what is happening around us at any one time.

This defining of our reality results in an implicit bias that our perceptions and beliefs are objectively true.  We believe that our perceptions are accurate.  Also, we tend to believe that anyone else who see things differently to our reality must see things incorrectly or pretend to see them incorrectly for some other reason.

You often hear people say – It is what it is!  But, is it?

We are coming up to Christmas celebrations.  I’m sure you can relate to many family fights over whose memory of reality was correct.  Sometimes, these disputes can be so heated that families shatter. 

The Neuroleadership Institute would label this unconscious or implicit bias, that every human has, an experience bias. Because our minds are unique and individual, this experience bias can be the most difficult to manage in work situations.

Some work examples are – a salesperson glossing over that people are not as excited about a product as he or she is – an executive missing that not everyone is on board with a big organisational change that they are.

The best way to mitigate experience bias is to get another perspective on the issue.  Obtain objective outside opinions from others not on the team or project in question.

Apparently, President Abraham Lincoln was the best at this technique.  He would deliberately invite people to the White House that he knew disagreed with his perspective to listen to what they had to say.  After listening to lots of these ideas, he would make his decision. Gosh! I so wish our Australian politicians would adopt this method instead of being locked into the party line.

Another technique to mitigate experience bias is to step away and have a break from the issue.  Come back to it with a more objective view and especial try to look at your message or idea through other people’s eyes.

I write a lot about unconscious or implicit bias because I believe it is the most important human issue there is if we are to simply get along better in our world. 

I know it is the major reason why women do not see themselves as leader.  Our reality is we see lots of men as leaders at all levels of society, so it is challenging for women to aspire to something that appears against the norm in society.  Perhaps, my reality is warped though!

Support is available through me in two ways.  Firstly, my Women’s Empowerment and Leadership Program where you will discover lots of new ways of looking at your life and experiences.  Secondly, as an Executive Coach trained in brain-based thinking, I can provide that sounding board to challenge your thinking and experience.

The next program is on 8th and 9th November 2018.