Is your personal fear holding you back?
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
Sheryl Sandberg
My mother never learnt to drive a car. Of course, we lived in Barcaldine, a small outback town, where 15 to 20 minutes’ walk in any direction would take you into the bush or the desert.
When I was a young girl, I vividly remember her walking in the morning past the school, that I attended, followed by her dog Darlin’ as she made her way to the picture theatre to work. Dad would collect her and the dog at lunch time and they would do the rounds of the shops for the groceries and go home for lunch. We walked home from school and Mum was there to greet us.
In my teenage years, I quizzed my mother as to why she never learnt to drive. I was particularly interested because she was a well-respected business owner and operator in the town and an active community member. It didn’t make sense that she wouldn’t want the independence of being able to drive a car. Being fearlessly independent myself, I know I cannot imagine my life without the freedom of being able to drive wherever I want.
My mother said that she never had anyone that she trusted to teach her to drive. I know she had many arguments with my father when he tried to teach her to drive. She was tiny and I have to admit the cars back then were not very female friendly. I say thank goodness for power steering as one example.
Would it have made a difference to my mother’s life if she had have persisted and learnt to drive a car? Maybe – Maybe not.
The questions are to everyone. Are there life matters that fear has prevented you from overcoming? Are there life matters that you’ve dug your heels in and you are not prepared to change for anyone including yourself? Are there opportunities you have not taken because fear has held you back?
I’ve just finished reading Gail Kelly’s book Live Lead Learn in which she poses Sheryl Sandberg’s question to herself.
It’s hard to imagine that the woman who was listed by Forbes in 2010 as the 8th most powerful woman in the world, because of her position as CEO of the Westpac Bank Group, has fears. It’s refreshing and heartening that we are not alone.
What she listed as what she would do if she was not afraid are similar to what I would now say to myself.
- “I would be my own advocate for that key leadership role I’m aspiring to, even though I know I have lots to learn and that I’m not 100 percent ready.”
- “I would ask for more help.”
- “I would say that I don’t understand, could you please explain again.”
- “I would care less about what others think.”
- “I would not allow myself to be ‘spoken over’.”
Our deepest need as humans is to belong and feel valued and needed. This need to fit into the mob can definitely make us fearful and cause us to act small. Fear of failure or success, fear of being embarrassed, fear of not fitting in or the fear of being thought to be stupid can paralyze us.
Some of our programming can be unconscious because of the messages we receive as we were growing up. Sometimes, as Gail Kelly says, we need to ask for help to lessen our fears to reach our full potential.
Any person who wants to be at the top of their game and life needs help. It’s wonderful that now we have executive coaches, advisers and specialists that can help you to achieve whatever you dream. Don’t hold back!
Remember I’m available to be on your personal advisory board. You just need to reach out.
